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Anal Sex: A Must-Read Beginner's Guide

Posted by Rebecca Malone on

Anal sex

Ah, anal sex. That part of sex conversations that’s kind of a hole in the wall--pun intended, of course. Some would like to ignore that it exists or that people actually do it, while others who chance upon seeking it out, end up either loving it or hating it entirely. 

The funny thing is that anal sex serves as kind of a threshold and basis for one’s sexual experiences. You can be as wild and daring as you can in the bedroom but if you haven’t given anal sex a try, you’re just not “there” yet. On the other hand, once you’ve finally crossed the line and experienced it (and not just “attempted” per se), then you can consider yourself somewhat of a veteran or a sex connoisseur, if there’s such a thing.

For those who haven’t tried attempting it at all, it can be quite daunting or downright appalling to even consider going there. What’s the point if you’re contented and safe in your little vanilla sex cocoon, right? But trust us there may very well be a pot of gold waiting for you at the end of it all if you tried seeking it out. And we do understand your apprehensions and fears about it, and the best way to go about it is to inform yourself of the what’s what and how to’s of anal sex.

Here's a breakdown of the guide to make it easier for you to navigate:

What Does Anal Sex Feel Like?

Pardon our french but to answer that question, simply put, anal sex feels like pooping in a reverse motion. And to add more to that, it also feels as though there’s that need for you to poop but you don’t--and we really hope you don’t end up doing so. Of course, this is the feeling you’ll have once you actually have the penis inside of you. The starting point of it all usually feel a whole lot different. It’s a whole lot of stinging and burning sensation, to be more precise.

Not to scare you even more but that’s the general and painful truth of it all. So why do people do it? It’s simple, really. Because once you get over those tear-inducing beginnings, it can actually prove to be very pleasurable and addicting. When we say pleasurable, it’s an orgasm like no other--and yes, so much more intense than your favorite vaginal orgasm.

Of course, it may take more than just one attempt before you really achieve that all-pleasure-and-pain kind of feeling. It would take a lot of initial stimulation on your anus before you actually give way and that’s basically your introduction to how anal sex could feel like. Fingers, tongue, sex toys for butt plays--these are the foundation you’ll have to rely on as you ease into the “real” thing, so to speak.

It’s a process, we’re not going to lie about that. But you’d be surprised to discover how amazing it can feel if you push through it (again, pun intended). So to help prep yourself up for it, let’s look into detailed guidelines of how to prepare for anal sex.

How To Prepare for Anal Sex?

Congratulations for reaching this far! Even if you’re not 100% decided on attempting anal sex, we know that the curiosity and interest is there. And sometimes, curiosity can take you as far as you let it--so let’s begin to satiate your thirst for information.

Pre-Game Prep:

1. Watch What You Eat

Don’t be a jerk and test out the whole mexican food theory just to see if it’s real. It is. And it can be a really big problem and source of embarrassment on your end if you end up making a mess--and not that sexy kind of mess, if you know what we mean.

Simply avoid any kind of food that would result to loose stool. This includes mexican food and spicy food. On that note, just avoid eating heavy meals right before you have sex. There’s no way that that food you just ingested would sit well with you as you go into having sex, regardless if it’s vaginal or anal.

As for drinks? There’s some debate that drinking a bit can help calm your nerves. Some would say it’s still better to remain completely sober through it all. Our take? If you’re the “giver,” stay sober all the way through to be able to have proper control over your movements. If you’re the “receiver” and it’s your first time, a little liquid courage might help. Take note of the words “little” and “might.” The main point of sipping a bit of wine is simply to help relax your mind and body. Anything more than that is not recommended at all.

2. Clean Before You Go

    No need to go to the extremes and douche yourself just to make sure you’re clean. Cleaning and prepping your behind can be as easy as simply taking a shower and putting a little more emphasis on your butthole as you cleanse and wash away.

    Contrary to popular belief, the lower part of your rectum barely has fecal material inside. All you really need to do is thoroughly clean even the shallowest part of your rectum and you’re good to go.

    3. Must-Have Condoms

    Even if you’re in a monogamous relationship, wearing condoms still come highly recommended. This is to prevent infection and the spread of bacteria from the bowels (enticing, isn’t it?). The lubrication that comes with condoms also help in an easier entry, especially since the rectum doesn’t have its own form of lubrication as the vagina does.

    4. Choosing the Right Lube

    Silicone lubricants would be your best bet when it comes to lubrication during anal sex. Silicone works well with condoms and are perfect for the skin inside your anus. Water-based lubes easily dry up and can be absorbed by the wall lining of the anus. Oil-based lubes, on the other hand, tend to break condoms. The great thing about silicone-based lubes is that you can use it on condoms, sex toys, and it also has a thicker consistency, providing a higher level of ease during penetration. And just remember, there’s no such thing as “too much lubrication.” Just lube away if you feel the need to!

    5. To Sex Toy or Not to Sex Toy?

    Should you or should you not use sex toys? The answer to that question is: it’s up to you. Anal sex toys are beneficial when it comes to teasing and preparing the opening, especially since these are specially designed to fit and stimulate that part of our body. Surely you can also just use hands but if you do have the time for it and if you want to add some spice and some more fun into the whole experience, then you might as well go the extra mile with some helpful anal sex toys.

    Top 3 Essential Ingredients:

    1. Communication

      Probably more than all the preparations you’ll have to do before having anal sex, communicating with your partner is the most important of it all. Being able to vocalize your apprehensions, worries, and even expectations can help a lot to make the experience more enjoyable for the both of you.

      As the “receiver,” you’ll need to be in an almost-perfect state of zen and calm, especially at the beginning. By not having all your worries and restless thoughts properly communicated, you’ll end up stiff and  full of tension--and that would only bring you more pain, and a whole lot of struggle for your partner. Get “the talk” out of the way right off the bat, so it’s mostly the pleasure of it all that you’ll look forward to.

      2. Lubrication

      We couldn’t stress enough how important lubrication is during anal sex. Vaginal sex is different since women naturally secrete body fluids that provide that easy glide. It’s a whole new different ballgame when it comes to your butthole. Finding the right lube to use may prove to be a bit tricky. Sure, you can get what comes highly recommended but using it with you and your partner may tell a whole ‘nother story.

      Let’s get real, lubes are a small price to pay for the pleasure you can reach. We highly suggest you at least have two to three on hand that you can try out whether you’re just teasing or fingering or using toys onto actual penetration. It’s quite an achievement finding the lube that works best for you--it’s simply a match made in backdoor heaven.

      3. Relaxation

        So you’ve gotten passed “the talk” and you’ve found your holy grail of lubrication, what’s next then? It’s time for you, as the receiver, to relax the hell out of yourself. There’s just no other way to go about it but to enter this zen-like state and allowing your body to just be by letting go of all your worries, of all the tension, and of anything that might cause you to tense up and freeze. Relaxing is the best gift you can give your partner (putting the whole allowing-him-inside-your-butthole aside for a moment) and it’s the best and most proven way to get things done the right way--not to mention, the most pleasurable way as well.

        The best way to go about is by getting to slowly fired up whether by proper stimulation or perhaps by turning you on the point of no return that you’re just in a state of euphoria. Still, we recommend taking it in stride. This is something that both you and your partner (mostly him) have to work on. But don’t worry, we’re here to guide you each step of the way.

        So... How we start?

        Start small

          As we’ve said before, a big part of anal sex is the prep that comes before it. This includes use of fingers, tongue, and sex toys to help in easing into anal sex. If you really want to prepare for it, butt plugs would be a good start and you can use it during vaginal sex as well.

          Breathe and relax

            The key to a successful penetration is to relax your sphincter--definitely easier said than done. That muscle on the opening of your butthole is very sensitive and responsive to whatever you’re feeling. So if you’re feeling anxious, it would easily tighten up. The bad news is in as fast as it can tighten up, the opposite applies to how long it takes for it to relax. But don’t fret because it is possible and once it fully relaxes, it can stretch far more than you thought it could.

            Sometimes, after you’re fully prepped, you just really need to trust your partner and zone out. Think happy thoughts, go to your happy place. A lot of what goes on in your mind and what you’re feeling would mirror how tight or relaxed your sphincter would be. So just let go and let loose--literally and figuratively.

            The tip is the hardest part

              Most people who have attempted or done anal sex would tell you that it’s the starting point that hurts the most. And that’s true. The tip of the penis has the widest girth and it’s just so bad that it’s the first thing you have to get over with before the pleasure comes.

              This is where lubrication and communication comes in. Quite a weird combination but that’s the perfect formula you’ll need to successfully put it in. Having the right lube and communicating with your partner--preferably in a sensual and soothing manner--would help ease whatever apprehensions you may have. And of course, if it really hurts that bad, just stop. It’s not the end of the world if you’re not able to put it in. There’s always next time, wink wink.

              No rapid fire movements

                Hold your horses! Sure, there’s a temptation to just go all out and wild but while that’s pretty great for the vagina, that can be very damaging and painful for the anus. There’s no harm in taking those slower than usual. Just keep the movements at a constant pace and savor it with your partner.

                Stimulate in other parts

                  Can women orgasm through anal sex? Some say “hell yes!” while others think “how the hell does that happen?” It can happen but it can be a long road getting there. So the best way to make sure that your partner gets the orgasm she deserves is by stimulating other parts of the body, preferably the clit or vagina. If using your fingers while also controlling your pace as you thrust can be too much multitasking for you, you can opt to use vibrators--especially the ones that have a remote control function.

                  Top 5 Best Anal Sex Positions

                  To be quite honest, there’s not so much difference when it comes to the best sex positions for vaginal and anal sex. It’s still about finding that winning position that gives you the most pleasure. So for pleasure’s sake, we suggest that you give these top 5 positions for anal sex a try.

                  1. Missionary

                    Given some adjustments here and there, the missionary position can prove to be an amazing and optimal position for anal sex. The first thing to do is to prop the receiver’s hips with a small pillow to get a better angle. Raising the legs or placing it on the shoulder of the partner would also help in smoother movements.

                    What’s great about the missionary positions is how both you and your partner can easily gauge one another’s movements, responses, and feelings. And given the sensitive nature of trying out anal sex for the first time, it’d surely be helpful to have that open view of each other.

                    2. Doggy Style

                      Doggy style is the most basic position for anal sex and usually the starting point for a lot of couples. The control in this position completely relies on the partner who’s going to penetrate. It’s important that to just relax if you’re the receiver. You can never go wrong with starting slow to easily gauge the speed and depth that you’re both comfortable with.

                      To make things even better, once you get the hang of it, have your partner reach out to your clit or breasts for more stimulation. You can also go lower and have your chest and face laid out on the bed with your hips propped up. Again, it’s all about the position that gives you that smooth sailing rhythm.

                      3. Cowgirl

                        A lot of women prefer the cowboy position because of the control it gives them. All there is to it is to have your legs on the mattress, placed on both sides of your partner, and have your hands on his chest for your balance. You can go up and down or front and back, even sideways or going round and round. Remember that this position is all about you taking charge of you want the pace and depth to be. Of course, there are other ways in which you can do this that can also stimulate your partner in the best way possible.

                        4. Reverse Cowgirl

                          It’s the cowgirl but with a better view for your partner. Men are visual beings and seeing your behind up close and personal--and on top of them--would surely make them go wild. And the best part? You still have control since you’re on top. Have some fun while you’re at it by putting on a show as you move your butt and arch your back a bit for an intense viewing pleasure for your partner, and a more controlled pace for you.

                          5. Spooning

                            Feeling lazy or want to inject some cuddle aspect into your anal sex? Spooning is the way to go as your partner enters you from behind, maintaining a slow and sensual pace. As the receiver, you can also place your leg on top of his to help create more leverage. While you’re at it, you can also use a vibrator for some clitoral fun.

                            If things get a bit complicated and you can feel your libido rising with every thrust, then you may want to adjust and have your partner directly on top of you and you laying flat on the bed, assuming somewhat of a plank position.

                            Dealing with the Aftermath

                            Okay, now you’re done! What do you do next? Normally after “conventional” sex, you just wipe some bodily fluids  off or maybe throw out the condom and get right back to bed and do some cuddling. While cuddling is a good post-sex activity, it would be best for both you and your partner to head straight to the bathroom after anal sex.

                            For the receivers, you’ll most likely feel as though you need to “go” anyway, if you get what we’re saying. Give yourself a very gentle wash with some lukewarm water. Your butthole would need a whole lot loving and relaxation after sex, so be sure to keep it gentle and use products that don’t have too much harsh ingredients in them.

                            As for the giver or the penetrator (sounds like a superhero of sorts, doesn’t it?), even if you’re wearing a condom as you should, it’s still highly recommended that you give your genitalia a good wash to make sure that there are no leftover particles that may have bacteria in them. This is even more important if you weren’t able to use protection, as you’re prone to developing diseases such as UTI.

                            Additional Safety Tips & Points to Ponder

                            • Smoothness is the best policy - Cut your nails, no ridges on sex toys, and so on. These are the basic golden rules regarding anything that you put inside the anus. Simply put, the smoother, the better, the less pain there is.
                            • Cleanliness is next to godliness - Cleanliness before, during, and after must be strictly observed at all times. There’s so much temptation in just really letting loose but there’s a higher risk for consequences to pay for afterwards. Save you and your partner the trouble by practicing good hygiene and cleanliness.
                            • Never do without the lube - We cannot stress the importance of lube enough! This applies when inserting just fingers, or sex toys, or the actual penis.
                            • Hold on to your toys - One thing you have to remember in using sex toys for your anus is that it has to have a base. You don’t want to have a sudden trip to the emergency room. Sex toys meant for anal sex do usually come with a base, so go for that instead of risking it with a small bullet vibe that can get lost inside there--definitely not the situation you want to experience.  
                            • No transfer allowed - No, you cannot transfer from the butt to the vagina in just one sitting. That’s just plain wrong on so many levels. If you want to go back to the first hole, at least do some cleaning and use a new condom.

                            With all that said and done, we sincerely wish you a happy and pleasant humping! And for any assistance needed, you can check out our line of toys that would work well for anal sex such as lubricants, butt plugs, prostate massagers, dildos, massagers, and so on.  These toys and other necessary accessories would save you a whole lot of trouble and pain. So don’t scrimp on it and just invest if it means greater the rewards (a.k.a. orgasm)!

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